02/09/2024
This month's wine column: Stupid Cupid
Around Valentines, I'm hunting Godiva and some special vino, mindful that 1) my wife loves chocolate and 2) there's anecdotal evidence that chocolate and wine can act as an aphrodisiac.
Researchers at the University of Florence in Italy linked moderate wine consumption by women to a heightened sense of amore. They studied 800 women ages 18 to 50, examined wine consumption and s*xual response cycles and concluded: Women who drank two glasses of wine a day are more s*xually active than those who abstain.
Same research includes this side note: Dark chocolate, also rich in antioxidants, is said to similarly affect female libido.
That chocolate-wine thing sets a mind to racing. With my instinctual guile and savoir faire, I broach it with my wife.
Me: Says here, if I give you chocolate and wine, you turn into a Super Freak.
She: One super freak in this household is enough.
Me: Hey, this is scientific research. Says here chocolate elevates dopamine and seratonin in the brain, like when people take Ecstasy.
She: We're both too old for Ecstasy.
Me: You're never too old for ... I'm talking Godiva here, not drugs.
She: You never know what you're going to get with a box of chocolates.
Me: Says here I'll get nothing if I don't get a box of chocolates.
She: Did you also read how chocolate has a laxative effect? Does that turn you on?
Me: Um, not particularly…
She: Look, I know chocolate. Two chemicals - phenylethylamine and trypophan - come in such fractional levels you would have to eat super freak doses to even come close to horny-town. At which point, there's that laxative effect.
Me: But, um, I got you this box Go-diva-choc-o-letts.
She: Did you know that some studies suggest many women – if anyone bothers to ask - would choose chocolates over s*x? Now that’s science.
I can see what's she's doing. Forty years of marriage gives me Sixth Sense.
Me: Says here, two glasses of red wine will heighten your, um … says here you'll get frisky if you try more of this Chianti. Let me top your glass there.
She: Let me understand. This research is from Italy? The world's biggest wine producers? The world’s largest collection of men with predisposed piggy views of women?
Me: You can’t argue with science.
She: Ok, Doc, let me lay it on you. That same Chianti makes you Happy, then less Bashful. I like that. Then you get all Sneezy, followed by Grumpy, followed by D***y and not necessarily in that order. And it always ends the same way, Sleepy.
I return to reading the Italian research. It concludes: "A thorough comprehension of the mechanics underlying female s*xuality remains difficult."
And that's why I'm hunting roses this year.
**
Some last-minute ideas, in North Carolina wine country, for your special Valentine...
Feb. 10 – Buon San Valentino Italian Family Style Dinner, Piccione Vineyards, Ronda.
Feb. 10 – Valentine’s Date Night, Stardust Cellars, N. Wilkesboro.
Feb. 11 – Amore – The Language of Love, Raffaldini Vineyards, Ronda.
Feb. 14 – Valentines Dinner at Harvest Grill, Shelton Vineyards, Dobson.
Feb. 14 – Valentine’s Day Tasting Experience, Dynamis Estate Wines, Jonesville.
Feb. 14 – Gnocchi with your Nookie (Valentines Dinner & pasta making), Marked Tree Vineyards, Flat Rock.
Feb. 14 – Valentine’s Dinner & Benefit Concert, Stonefield Cellars, Stokesdale.
Feb. 15-18 – Wine & Chocolate Pairing, Dobson. Haze Gray Vineyards.
Feb. 17 – Valentine’s Dinner and Dueling Pianos, Childress Vineyards, Lexington
Feb. 18 – Valentines Sweetheart Tasting, Childress Vineyards, Lexington.
