03/16/2025
How do I wrestle with post-fire helplessness? Your guess is as good as mine. My guess:
Itās been 68 days since the Eaton fire started, and through our fundraising weāve been able to raise over $70,000 for the California Fire Foundation. Thatās just about $1,000/day for . Thatās 4 families a day were able to fund just a little bit of hope and relief for.
I know I should feel good about those numbers. And I do, in my head - I know objectively Iām doing what I can to help those who have also lost everything. But itās not like I feel āgreatā about it, you know? I donāt feel relieved. I send an ACH payment, I see how much weāre giving and I donāt feel any different after. Iām used to hitting goals, checking boxes, and feeling good as I accomplish things - but the ache in my heart doesnāt lessen as I watch our donation grow. And Iām pretty sure we are going to hit my goal of raising $100,000, the finish line for our fundraiser. And Iām pretty sure when that happens, I wonāt feel much better. Thereās no washing your hands of this sort of thing. I know that money canāt replace a lost legacy or generations of history. You canāt buy a whole new life. Money only goes so far. It falls short, because everything falls short when you lose something you canāt replace.
I think this photo from my front yard a couple weeks ago sums up my thoughts on it all. No rebuild has begun, no debris has been cleared, but our surviving plants in our front yard are blooming like crazy. This js not a āfocus on the positive!ā metaphor. When I see this photo, I think āwow itās crazy there are flowers blooming in the middle of this hell holeā. No flowers in the world could distract from the burn, and I donāt think Mother Earth or God or whoever you believe is watching, is trying to do that anyways. But there are really pretty CamĆ©lias and Daffodils in the middle of a toxic graveyard.
Thereās not less devastation because of the work we are doing, but there is more good. And if youāre also spending time, energy, or money helping fire victims, remember that. That loss isnāt lessened by kindness, but kindness can still exist there, and that means something. So keep doing the work.