Wainwrights cornershop

05/06/2024

There's a distraught looked young bird pacing around on top of my wall. It's big but obviously young. I know it's parents are around cos they went mad at me when I went near it. What do I do?

05/06/2024

Don't like Farage much but I have to say how was someone able to throw a drink over him. It could hav been acid or anything.
In other news depending on which paper you read Sunak won the big telly debate or Starmer did 🤷. Also teenagers are Lazy (it sez ere!) Jude Bellingham is now the most valuable individual in the world (apparently) and curly hair is the new go too style of the moment (Im ok then 😉).
GOOD MORNING FROM WAINWRIGHT'S. Today there'll be rain, hail, snow, sunshine, famine war and pestilence. Enjoy! 🙄

04/06/2024

Beer and food and Mission Impossible. Time to chill

04/06/2024

Well my new card reader's arrived, so hopefully normal service has resumed.

03/06/2024

Child's bracelet found on my windowsill.

31/05/2024

'Guilty!' But still running for the presidency. God help us all!
GOOD MORNING FROM WAINWRIGHT'S
Something very strange is going on. The sky is clear and the sun is shining ... although its a little bit cool at the mo. I'll take it though. Owts better than 24 hour rain. 🤟😎

29/05/2024

Tory vows are in the papers today. Promising this that and the other in the run up to the election. No more Mickey Mouse courses! As promised by Mickey Mouse Sunak 🤡. In other news, the Wags are at war again 🥱, cops are no longer probing a Labourite 😮 and Gareth's wearing a woolly cardi.
GOOD MORNING FROM WAINWRIGHT'S. Shoot me now! The Met office is predicting 50 days of rain over the summer. 🌧 ⛈️

23/05/2024

Well in case you missed it, Roland Rat has finally called a general election! We can all look forward to mp's🤡 slagging each other off for the next 5 or 6 weeks (for a change🤪). Elsewhere the Star is telling us it's the storm before the calm as we're going to get 6 feet of rain in the next coupla days... or somethin. But the bank holiday will be lovely! (Maybe!😏)
Also Pootin's been posturing, United are courting every manager on earth and JLo's getting unmarried!
GOOD MORNING FROM WAINWRIGHT'S! If you want me today I'll be out delivering papers in my sailing dingy! 🌧 ⛈️

22/05/2024

Strictly's doomed! Wots that Giovanni been up too now? (nobody's saying except to tell us that he's a bit nasty🤔). Also in the news. We're apologising to rats now! They may not have been responsible for the Black Death afterall (they may demand compensation!🤪). Meanwhile the royal hoi poloi had to get their umbrellas out at some gardening do and Rishi's basking in his own perceived rosey glow 🤡.
GOOD MORNING FROM WAINWRIGHT'S. If you're out an about put yor wellies on, it's gonna get a little showery.

17/05/2024

Ladies! come down to the shop and buy the Star. Read about 'the s*xiest bloke in the country'. (You could be disappointed 🤔).
Also today, Pootin and Xi are going to nuke the rest of the world and live happily ever after in the ashes, Gio's not dancing anymore (aw 😭) and according to the Express the cost of taxi's will go up under Labour! (Oh sorry that's taxes!🤪). Also in the Star today there's free love spells, although you'll av to get down to Asda first for some ginger and lettuce and stuff.
GOOD MORNING FROM WAINWRIGHT'S. It's the final weekend of the football season and my bladder's killing me 🥱.

16/05/2024

How does the saying go? When life throws you a curve ball have a lemonade...or somethin. A new bloody car would be better! 🤬

15/05/2024

Gonna get me a weight loss jab and live forever. Gonna paint a picture of my face peeping out of hell. I might fire missiles at neighbouring countries or Marry a millionaires daughter and get divorced five minutes later. The world is my oyster!... or I might just put a few more hours in at work!
GOOD AFTERNOON FROM WAINWRIGHT'S Everything's super, smashin, special. Have a nice day.

14/05/2024

Diet pills save lives, wags have to walk to Wembley, Trump's a lunatic (Really! 🤔)and some blah about Wills and Harry. It's all in the headlines 🥱. GOOD MORNING FROM me and my chins! 🤪

10/05/2024

Interesting article in the Mail today about Interest rates, Interestingly enough. We're moving out of recession apparently (Hurray for Rishi 🤣🤣🤮). Elsewhere Pheobe's in love, Bridget's back, some royal types have been out and about, Charlie's ignoring the lad and we're all going to die.
GOOD MORNING FROM WAINWRIGHT'S. Yesterday evening I felt like doggy do, today I feel like my head might explode. Need to split myself in two. Hurray it's weekend! 🤟🤡

08/05/2024

Perhaps a few squashies

08/05/2024

Get yor Magic Star's at WAINWRIGHT'S while stocks last 😉

03/05/2024

In the papers today. Portrait of a 'beautiful' princess 🤮, the FA is 'in crisis' talks over something or other and labour are soft! ( according to the Tories who've just lost a bunch of seats to them🤔). Also according to the Star we'll all be slapping on the fake tan today for bank holiday weekend. Its orange Friday. I'll be nipping into town to buy a bottle this morning 🤣.
GOOD MORNING FROM WAINWRIGHT'S! Enjoy yor long weekend

02/05/2024

GOOD MORNING FROM WAINWRIGHT'S. Does anyone have any information about who what we're voting for today. Far as I can see it's something to do with someone in Liverpool 🤷‍♂️.

01/05/2024

Well there's no good news on the front of the papers today. We live in crazy times, sadly. Except for the Star which features a bloke dressed as some kind of superhero with a bin for a head. He wants people to vote for him 🤔. But If we delve inside we see important stuff like the Minogue's like a movie night in or RitaRora has been around an about wearing a smashin pair of gloves. Also there's the earth shattering news that Marcus Rashford's got a new girlfriend (will it make him stop sulking? Probably not!)
GOOD MORNING FROM WAINWRIGHT'S. Get the lard out. Apparently the bank holiday weekend is gonna be a scorcher (it sez ere 🤣).

20/04/2024

Rishi's gonna get people back into work...by cutting their benefits (and the rich get richer). Sorry, but will that not just put more people on the streets 🤔 and for God's sake don't get sick! Meanwhile the country is being taken over by giant rats according to the Star and water bosses claim they're the victims as they pump raw crap into our rivers and pay themselves fat bonuses at our expense. There's some kinda correlation here and the rats are probably more honest and trustworthy than said bosses! Anyways nevermind, a woman's had a year of casual s*x commissioned by the Daily Mail and has come out feeling violated 🤔.
GOOD MORNING FROM WAINWRIGHT'S. Hello to friends old and new, it's cracking the flags out there (honest) come on down to the shop and gimme yor hard earned cash, but watch out for rats, potholes and slimey politicians 🙃.

17/04/2024

'CIGGY BAN!'. So if yor getting on a bit you'll always be able to smoke. But if yor a teen you'll never be able to legally smoke. Have I got that right? 🤔🤷‍♂️.
In other news Kim's wearing a tight red swimsuit, Liz Truss is one of the evil elite😲, Rayner is being probed 😮(sounds painful!) and Greg the pie maker reckons he's saved Britain and deserves a statue 🤣.
GOOD MORNING FROM WAINWRIGHT'S. Look out this morning there's a bright yellow ball in the sky! (Get the sun cream out, factor 50! 😎). You might still need that extra jumper tho! 🥶

15/04/2024

We're on the eve of destruction. As predicted in the bible and by Nostradamous (or however you spell it) its all happening in the East and the end is nigh! 😲 In other news Sheridan's lost weight and Hannah's been out partying in a purple frock!
GOOD MORNING FROM WAINWRIGHT'S if you want me ill be digging a bunker out back. 🥸

12/04/2024

Only the Daily Mail could print a headline like this! It's not about punishment! They've messed things up so badly it's time for them to go. Having said that messing things up doesn't seem to have done a certain mister Trump much harm. Maybe Sunak will try one of his tactics. Encouraging people to storm parliament might be a non starter though!
GOOD AFTERNOON. Weekend is coming and I feel like cr@p 🤪.

03/04/2024

Hosepipe ban! You have got to be kiddin! These water companies are a sick joke!
Also smelly people will be arrested. Taylor's filthy 😲 (sorry that's filthy rich!). And oh jeez! kill me now, Paddy Mcguinness is takin over from Steve Wright on the Radio. If I never hear that bloke's voice again it'll still be once to often! 🤬
GOOD MORNING FROM WAINWRIGHT'S. Hope you all had a nice, calming, relaxing break over Easter. Peace, love and crumpets to you all! 🤪✌️🤟🥸

31/03/2024

According to one paper this morning if you're feelin down you should put on some bright lipstick and you'll feel better immediately. Not sure if I'll try this tbh! 💋
Also Tory donor's stink (apparently!) and United stunk again last night.(definitely a waste of beer money watchin it down at the pub! 🤪)
GOOD AFTERNOON FROM WAINWRIGHT'S. Happy Easter.

29/03/2024

Suddenly high tackles are ok...when Wigin do it 🤔

20/03/2024

20/03/2024

Not really interested in the 'royals' myself but this headline sums up the press in this country to a tee. And them psycho seagulls are back as well! 😲.
Elsewhere Patsy Kensit sez you don't need to marry every boyfriend (although she did 🤪) and some fat bloke who won the lottery is getting married for a fourth time (They all loved him of course 🤣). GOOD MORNING FROM WAINWRIGHT'S. War, famine, floods and pestilence are on the way so put yor wellies on. 🥸

12/03/2024

Just been re-merchandised! Well, the friendly Walkers rep stocked up my stand for me anyways.
So COME ON DOWN TO WAINWRIGHT'S! Stock up on snacks. Get yourself a mag. Read about Ace Frehley or Pink Floyd. Buy a paper and read about the royal Photoshop disaster! It's all goin on! 🤪

10/03/2024

Yesterday was a very special day. I got to see some of my relatives from America! One big family! ❤
GOOD MORNING FROM WAINWRIGHT'S. Happy mothers day to all you mothers out there 🙂. I'm sure my mum's looking down with a smile on her face.