31/05/2024
AaronHill is a hero - he served in 45 Commando Royal Marines and 22 SAS for a total of 10 years, seeing operations across the globe during a very "busy" period of service. Yet at times he felt like a coward. In this raw piece for the Woodhill Park Journal, he tells how he found his purpose.
“Purpose is not born from chasing validation, nor is it revealed when coming from a place of need.
After years of self-reflection, I can recognise a large part of me as a young boy had a burning desire to be acknowledged.
I failed most of my exams at school, I wasn’t inspired to learn at that age and so a large part of me felt like a failure.
Where I was starting to excel, thrive and get external validation, was through sports.
This mindset set me on a path of:
joining the military in the form of the Royal Marine Commandos,
passing the UK Special Forces selection process to serve with 22 SAS,
completing numerous Ironman triathlons and various forms of mountain bike racing.
My message is not of the hero type who fears nothing, quite the opposite. My message is to speak of courage and compassion, especially towards myself, after a few life changing moments, both as a child and as a young man.
It’s about the acceptance I can show myself. It won’t change what has happened, but it shifted the perception I hold of those events and then of myself.
Some of those stories:
Being ridiculed by a teacher for being slow.
Wetting myself on stage as a 10 year old during a school play doing a recorder solo.
Reacting to a firefight in a way that I thought was cowardly, whilst on operations during service.
My story is that we are normal people, who go through normal things, humiliation, fear, doubt, stress and judgement and that we are also powerful beyond measure, each in our own way.
I can now acknowledge that the things I did were impressive, they make up part of who I am, but they are not all I am. An average lad who just happened to do a few extraordinary things.
Despite my efforts and sacrifices, I never found myself satisfied. The recognition was fleeting and impossible to hold. It felt shallow, uncomfortably false and shamefully slippery. Until a few years ago, I was embarrassed about my military past, I was certain I was the odd one out, I didn’t fit in or belong.
But I don’t think like that now.
I have changed my relationship with myself, my perspective of past events and have peeled back the layers that make me who I am and I speak of that, in the hope others may do the same for themselves.
When we meet discomfort, we often flee in the opposite direction, looking to drown, distract or dismiss the very feelings that are trying to serve us.
My purpose is to help people grow, to see their own potential and power. I happen to do that through coaching and I like the word resilience, so I am a resilience coach.
What is my truth? To speak and act from a place of compassion and courage, to look for inspiration and provoke progression.”