17/09/2022
Wait, do you actually believe any mature man doesn't know the kind of woman his parents will approve for marriage when he brings her home? That's joke right? Cos I don't get it.
Some of you ladies think bringing you to meet his parents is a proof that a man wants to get serious with you and take the relationship to the marriage level, I laugh you. For some men who already know the kind of woman his parents will approve for marriage without objection, bringing you to meet them is an informal breakup notice, only that you are not aware.
So you carry a bottle of wine with honour to meet a mother who holds a strong position on the tribe, family background, denomination, appearance and even the looks of the kind of woman she will allow their son to marry, a criteria that you unfortunately do not match. And their son knows, their mature son, he knows it will take a meeting with all his dead ancestors for his father to even consider a marriage with anyone from your tribe. He knows his mother finds it hard to believe any woman who is not a member of her church can make a good wife. The brother knows, the kind of stronghold his parents have on this things.
And the worse part? Is the fact that such men also know they cannot contend with their parent's decision on who they can marry, his family are strong principalities that can approve or disapprove his choice of a partner, and whatever they say is what he will do.
That's how you hear those tales by moolight that sounds like "I love you but my mother says...
"Left to me I want to marry you but my father is seriously against it, and I cannot disobey my family."
"My uncles are proving difficult, they say women from your tribe are not good for marriage..."
Oh, so it took him 3 years of relationship to know women from your tribe are not good for marriage. So he didn't know his family doesn't appreciate inter-denominational marriage yet he still came to you.
Sisters, if you apply simple principles of efficient courtship you can save yourself some of this cheap disappointments.
When a brother comes knocking and you know he loves you, ask him on time if you are also the kind of woman his family will approve? It's not only about him loving you, will his family love you too?
Ask questions before boarding a Chisco bus from Maiduguri to Cotonou to see a man.
Are your parents indifferent about denomination?
Do I match any of their tribal preferences?
Do they have issues with people who are from a broken/dysfunctional homes?
Know this early to save yourself the pain of dating for 5 years only for his parents to say he will marry you over their dead body.
This goes to the men too. When you are ready to settle down, interview your parents to know their perspective on the kind of woman they don't appreciate.
Things are getting complicated this days. It's no longer enough for a brother to find a lady that suits his spec, now you have to find a spec that also suits your parents spec to avoid unnecessary headache. It's too much work brothers, the earlier you know the kind of approval battles to avoid, the better for you, especially if you are not a man with a will of his own.
Ask your woman too if her parents have any sort of oppositions to the kind of man they would appreciate for their daughter, to avoid wasting your own time.
Let nobody use you to do a 'try your luck' marriage when they already know things are going to be difficult.
Many marital disappointments will be avoided if we can put our emotions aside and do our homework properly before commitment.
